Man’s Cruel Battle With Depression Proves That India’s Obsession With Marks Is Killing Our Kids

Remember when the results of your board examinations came out, every distant relative called your parents to ask ‘kitne percent aaye?’

If you’re an Indian kid, it is safe to assume that you’ve been subjected to academic pressure at some point in life. After all, India does have an unhealthy obsession with marks. Marks are taken as a prophecy of how successful a child will be and the more marks you get, the more intelligent you’re presumed to be. Honestly, I’d go as far as saying that the only way to make an Indian parent truly proud is to get as many marks as possible.

Pushy Indian parents often throw their kids into a deathly rat race the moment the child takes the first step into a school. The parents only look at the numbers as the end goal without really realising the kind of pressure that they put on their kids can actually break them mentally.

A man on Quora narrated his experience of having survived parental pressure during his academic years, albeit with considerable damage. The story is heartbreaking but at the same time scary enough to make you think hard about the education system in India:

“Spent 10 years in depression because of them and they don’t have a clue. I am in my twenties.

I don’t usually write answers on Quora, but I think I should for this one.

I am the first child out of two brothers. Always pampered, loved, and cared by everyone in the family.

I was quick at learning so they made me do rigorous routines and I was topping my class every year. Even I loved making my parents feel proud. I scored above ninety-five percent in tenth standard.

But during these years I was constantly under pressure and was denied things. I was told to shut up if they didn’t like what I was saying. They certainly beat me black and blue quite a few times. My parents were strict. They didn’t allow me to play quite often so I sucked at it and stopped. I used to draw but they thought it was useless and I stopped that too. I loved reading but they said novels are for adults not for kids, that’s why I’m not a big fan of books but I do love comics. Basically I was denied everything that nurtures a child’s childhood.”

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“They’ve always been overprotective of us both. I wish they weren’t because I started lying to them about the most basic things like where I was, who I was with or what I did. This established that there was a communication gap between us. They always caught me lying but never tried to understand why I lied. I got punished for lying every time but not even once I was asked why I lied or what was the need for me to lie to my own parents.

I moved away from home to study and get into a good engineering college. This was my dream by the time. Parents didn’t force me but out of my comfort zone, it was a struggle for me. And I was adapting to it, slowly but steadily. But they wanted results like super fast and they started pressurizing me. I was constantly scolded whenever I spoke on the phone. It was a hectic schedule that started at six in the morning and lasted till nine in the night. I was going through a hard time adapting but I was doing it. They brought me back home thinking it would affect my performance in academics. But this made me feel like a loser, like someone has snatched a gold medal from an Olympian. My self esteem and confidence were at an all time low. I became depressed and they didn’t even care. I got anger issues suppressing all theses things inside me. I started self-harming. By this point, my parents stopped me from meeting my friends. My friends were scared of my dad and they started avoiding me completely. I became a loner. I had a girlfriend and she was my only go-to person. My mom even found out about her and made a ruckus. Huge drama happened because I’m from an orthodox Indian middle class family. They always thought discipline will work whatever it was I was having issues with. I just simply wanted them to listen.”

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“I did not do good in twelfth and didn’t get a college even somewhat close to what I had desired. They blamed it on me as always, said how irresponsible I was and how greasy I’ve become in terms of academics.

During graduation my contact with parents was very less. They had realized by this point that my behavior was due to the strict treatment I was given by them. I had always kept everything to myself and suddenly they wanted me to share everything.

After graduation, I did tell them about my girlfriend and the response I received was not good. I spent a year trying to convince them but couldn’t care less. Eventually I had to breakup with my girlfriend. This totally broke me because she was the only person I shared my thoughts with.

I totally isolated myself for six months and tried to kill myself twice during this time. I don’t know how I got out of isolation but something clicked inside and I wanted to live, give life one more shot.”

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“My parents were already old by the time I was about to kill myself. I didn’t want them to have that kind of pain. They love me but I cannot forget the fact that I’ve lived a good portion of my life in depression because of them, and the sad part is they didn’t even know.

Thanks mom, thanks dad, because of you guys I have high functioning depression.

Luckily they didn’t make the same mistake with my brother and he shares a normal relationship with them. And he’s a doctor so I think I was the prototype before an actual product.

NOTE: please speak to your kids, don’t shut them down, even he/she might be suffering from depression.“

This story has a lesson for every parent who thinks that numbers define who their kid is.