Real Talk: Are Friendships A No-No After You Enter Your 30s?!

Too little is said about friendships after a certain age and it always makes us wonder why. Are we discounting our friendships after marriage and babies? Or are we too grown up to address seemingly young concepts like ‘friendship goals’.

Either way, that’s about to change! Friendship is a very important and significant part of life and today we keep it real on the topic of adult friendships. We also got some 30 year olds to weigh in on what doesn’t work in friendships in this new phase of their lives.

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If there was ever an age to demarcate real friendships from fake ones, 30 would be it. No one has the time and patience anymore for friendships based on mere frivolities instead of deep bonds.

To summarize, Tanya, 31, opines: “I think in my 20s I was carefree and easily made friends without overthinking the whole thing, but today so many of those friends seem insignificant. I’d much rather be picky with who I’d like to invest my time. No room for people who take me or my time for granted.”

The time factor seems to play a big part in adult friendships. We say that because it seems to be a recurring theme when it comes to opinions on friendships. Kevin, 32, had a chilled and wise approach to this theory. He said “I only have so many hours in a day. If my friends can’t value my time, I really don’t think it’s going to work out.”

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Unlike our 20s, our 30s are years ridden with responsibilities and a whole lot of adulting. “If my friends live on a different planet altogether, I know the friendship will eventually fall apart. I need them to be tuned into my life and adapt accordingly. I try to do the same for them”, concluded Kevin.

Riya on the other hand thinks it’s all about understanding. She says “gone are the days when I’d put up with drama. All I expect from my friendships are chilled vibes and fewer grudges. If I miss a text or call a friend back after a few hours, I expect them to understand.”

We gather that friendships beyond a certain point shouldn’t feel like a project that needs maintenance. They need to be easy to do, if you will. 30 year old Sarah mirrors this thought, “Friends who make it tough to coordinate even a single plan with lame excuses are not appreciated. Don’t make it an ordeal to even meet up. Make time for your friends! It’s simple.” Ah! That elusive word time, again!

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To digress slightly, Leena, 30 talks about etiquette. She says “when I call someone over, I expect an RSVP. Are you coming? Are you not? Why the mystery? It takes a lot of effort to arrange a dinner? I don’t like it when my friends lack basic etiquettes. We aren’t in college anymore!”

So moving with the times is another important factor. Payal on the other hand thinks that friendships in your 30s become a lot more about acceptance. “I would not, at this point in my life, comment on a friend’s life choices.

I wouldn’t comment on my friend’s choice of career or who she’s dating for that matter. Unless he was a creep, I guess. In which case, I’d tell her the truth, even if she didn’t like it. But yes, I don’t like judgmental people and refuse to have them be a part of my inner circle now. I don’t judge their life choices and that’s what I expect in return.”

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Friendship, in your thirties, seems to come with it’s own set of caveats. Unspoken rules that one must follow for the ride to be smooth.

We haven’t covered the beauty of pure, unadulterated, mature friendships through this particular piece but we sure did get an idea of some things that are unacceptable in adult friendships.

At the risk of oversimplifying it we would definitely conclude with the fact that friendship is special – hold on to it every way you can, make time for it and nurture it; be easy going, non-judgmental, and well mannered and don’t play hard to get! Adult friendships in a nutshell? Perhaps, perhaps. 

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*All names have been changed to protect identity