In the wake of the #MeToo movement, is it crazy that men would try to avoid being alone with women they don’t know?
Robert Foster, a state representative in Mississippi who is running for governor, got into hot water last week after he denied journalist Larrison Campbell’s request for a 15-hour “ride along” with his campaign.
Foster was blunt about his reasoning. He tweeted: “Before our decision to run, my wife and I made a commitment to follow the ‘Billy Graham Rule,’ which is to avoid any situation that may evoke suspicion or compromise of our marriage. I am sorry Ms. Campbell doesn’t share these views, but my decision was out of respect of my wife.”
Foster isn’t alone in following such guidelines. The media made hay of Vice President Mike Pence’s admission that he doesn’t dine alone with women other than his wife.
In the Washington Post, writer Monica Hesse went after Foster’s marriage, positing that his “marriage vows are so flimsy” that he couldn’t be “trusted to uphold them unless a babysitter monitors” the lawmaker. Hesse continued that the rule “keeps women out of the room” and asked her readers: “Can you imagine if a Muslim male candidate refused to be shadowed by a female reporter?”
That’s actually easy to imagine, and the fact that we only hear about this in relation to white, Christian men is telling. Orthodox Judaism has similar rules. An Orthodox Jewish man may refuse to shake hands with a woman, and the same rule holds for Orthodox women. And neither is permitted to spend extended time alone with members of the opposite sex.
The Muslim faith likewise tightly regulates relations between the sexes, and its norms and requirements extend far beyond the workplace.
In 2010, the New York Times reported on the “dilemmas confronting health-care workers in hospitals serving observant Muslim patients,” since female Muslim patients refuse to be seen by male doctors, even in emergency situations.
The Times interviewed a University of Chicago physician, Dr. Aasim Padela, author of a paper titled “Muslim patients and cross-gender interactions in medicine: an Islamic bioethical perspective.” He told the Times: “People who are non-mahram” — that is, unrelated — “adults of the opposite sex are prohibited from being alone together in a closed place where sexual intercourse could occur or where even such an accusation could be made.”
According to tradition, the Prophet Muhammad taught that when a non-mahram woman and man are alone together, Satan is the “third among them.” Thus, Padela notes, Islamic law prohibits not only adultery but “proximity to adultery.”
No one “canceled” Padela for asserting his religious beliefs. There isn’t a movement to force faithful Muslim women to spend time alone with strange men, even though their religion prohibits it.
More important, no one is asking observant Jews or Muslims in government what they would do in Foster’s situation.
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Beyond the religious-liberty implications, men’s reticence about being alone with women shouldn’t surprise anyone. The #MeToo movement of the last few years has brought a chorus of voices urging us to “Believe all women” making assault or harassment allegations.
When “Believe all women” is the party line, it’s only prudent for men to take themselves out of situations where they risk being accused of anything. #MeToo began with a serious mission of exposing powerful men who had sexually harassed, and in some cases assaulted, women and gotten away with it.
But thanks to “Believe all women,” it spiraled to a place where accusations went unchecked and were instantly believed. Some websites maintain running lists of accused men, even if accusations are anonymous and/or largely uncorroborated.
In some cases, the accusation didn’t even make any sense. The comedian Aziz Ansari is clawing his way out of a reputational black hole after a woman accused him of being a bad date. He didn’t harass or assault anyone; he was simply bad at hooking up, and his date wrote a scathing piece about it.
Men have seen that they are guilty until proved innocent, and sometimes not even then. They have now — wisely — retreated from women.
Are men afraid to be alone with women? Of course they are. Robert Foster is just one of the few to admit it.
Twitter: @Karol
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