Your Guide To PDA In India – Things To Do And Not To Do

This week started on a good note. A couple who was standing too close to each other on Kolkata metro got beaten up amongst other things. They were harassed by the public because it was indeed shameful. PDA is absolutely forbidden in a pious country like India and so, we bring to you a guide to public display of affection in our country. Check it out, now.

1. Do not lovingly look inside your lover’s eyes in public, but you can definitely ogle unknown women and men and make them uncomfortable in public. Believe us, it’s absolutely acceptable.  

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2. Do not hold hands, but you can brush off a woman’s breasts in public transport or a man’s butt. It’s absolutely okay. No one will say anything to you. 

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3. Do not, I repeat, do not hug someone you love in public. You will get beaten up. You can obviously molest people publicly, no one will have the guts to stop you. 

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4. Do not stand close to your partner in public, it might make people uncomfortable. You can urinate publicly though. No is going to question you on that. 

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5. It’s forbidden to kiss someone in public because it’s a sign of love and OMG, that’s the worst thing you can do in India. Try masturbating in public, maybe? That doesn’t have any consequences. 

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6. If you want to tell your partner you love them and you are somewhere out, hold your horses because it’ll be shameful if anyone else listens to you. Rather, eve tease. That’s the best. 

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7. If you feel loved, hide your emotions because it’s extremely shameful to express your love in public. 

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8. Always maintain an appropriate distance from your partner when outside. If someone tries to hurt them, move away because how the hell can you protect them? You aren’t married. 

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9. Oh and well, if you are married, PDA doesn’t count for you because you’re sanskaari.

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Don’t spread love. Spread hatred.

Disclaimer – This story has a sarcastic tone and the author doesn’t endorse such views.